pareja

En busca del amor de pareja

parejaExisten estudios científicos que avalan que el amor pasional
disminuye su potencia alrededor del año, hasta acabar
transformándose al segundo o tercer año de relación.
Después de esta revolución hormonal, donde hemos probado las
mieles del enamoramiento y la pasión, los inputs recibidos de la
pareja cada vez son menos intensos. Este descenso de actividad,
crea confusión en muchos de nosotros pensando que quizá se “haya
acabado el amor”.
Cuando esta realidad toca a nuestra puerta, estamos tentados a
abandonar, parece como si el objeto de nuestro amor haya
cambiado y se nos hace irreconocible ante nuestros ojos.
Es necesario atravesar por esta situación y vivirla en perspectiva,
debemos tener en cuenta este tránsito para transformar el amor eros
en amor agape, mucho más completo, más trascendente, que
comparte ideales, que refleja una admiración mutua, más allá de la
satisfacción individual.
Para llegar a él, debemos sortear muchos obstáculos, y sobretodo
tenemos que ser consciente que la relación es un espejo que nos
devuelve aspectos que no queremos percibir, nos confronta con una
realidad de nosotros que hemos querido mantener encubierto
muchos años de nuestra vida, ya sea por miedos, bloqueos
emocionales, o heridas profundas ocasionadas desde la infancia.
Y es que una pareja no es un baile de máscaras, es una danza
“desnuda” donde el otro penetra en habitaciones que hemos
mantenido cerradas por protegernos del dolor, del sufrimiento, de no
ser querido.
¿Podemos entender así el alcance de una relación sentimental?
Cuando una pareja se forma, cada uno lleva una carga emocional,
un bagaje experiencial diverso al de su compañero/a. Nuestra
estructura de personalidad se ha conformado con creencias,
valores, intereses, modelos de conductas diferentes, y de repente
colisiona con un mundo, el de su pareja, construido con diferentes
cimientos y parámetros.
De ahí vienen los choques de estas enormes fallas, que se han
activado con las interacciones de dos individuos con vivencias y
estructuras diversas.
Ante este panorama, actualmente se cargan todas las tintas en la
comunicación, ella es la “dueña y señora” de la relación, la
asertividad, la empatía, la escucha activa, son la varita mágica para
resolver todos nuestros conflictos.
Es cierto que son pilares para sostener una relación saludable, pero
no lo es todo. Antes de comunicar, hay que ACEPTAR, antes de
negociar hay que asumir que habrá renuncias, antes de estimar al
otro, hay que tener una autoestima formada, libre de
dependencias, de inseguridades, de proyecciones en los demás,
antes de relacionarnos “saludablemente” con nuestra pareja,
debemos haberlo hecho con nosotros mismos. Esta es la raiz, del
conflicto, esperar que el otro nos ame, nos colme nuestras
necesidades como no hemos sabido hacerlo nosotros.
Desde el coaching personal, se trabajan precisamente estos límites,
volvemos a responsabilizarnos de nosotros mismos, volvemos a
poseernos en nuestro “centro” y desde ahí podremos construir bases
sólidas que nos preparen para dar a nuestras parejas lo mejor de
nosotros.
Verónica Martínez
Coach Personal

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